Sometimes God allows us to lose the things we hold on to the most so that we can hold on to Him, allowing Him to steer us in a different direction.
Many times we ask God why things happen to us, why another disappointment or heartbreak, why aren’t things happening when and how we think they should. I’ve learned that He’s always with us, we just don’t always tune into what His plans are for our lives.
My life changed in February 2008. My heart was BROKEN – I had no idea where I would go next. I had nothing, I was utterly alone in my pain, but my soul remained anchored on God.
- In February of 2008 – within hours of entering the hospital – I lost my first husband to blood clots. No warning signs, no heads up, just like that He was called Home to eternal rest.
- A month or two later, my grandmother who was my rock and was my only source of tenderness, entered the hospital because of her emphysema (2nd hand smoke). I had to face the very place that had taken my first husband from me, not knowing if I would lose the light of my life.
- From that day forward I carried my Bible with me everywhere, as I searched for understanding as to why my world was crumbling around me. I found strength and comfort in God’s promises.
I relate tremendously to Job.
I too cried out to God, begging for mercy and forgiveness for whatever I, or someone before me, did that resulted in this severe punishment. I loved these two very much, but rather than run away from God in anger; I moved closer to Him. Although I didn’t agree with the situation, I understood and respected that nothing belonged to me, we all belong to Him. I devoted a lot of time to my faith – I learned to find comfort in solitude – and that allowed me to grow closer to Him.
Will you still hold on to Him when you are stripped of everything ?
Every day I tell God a firm yes. I know more challenges and agony are to come. I may fall apart, cry out in anger, but my faith will remain the same. My sob story changes into a story of devotion and victory when I allow my pain to direct me towards love and using my pain to help others. The love I received from my 1st husband and grandmother was ENOUGH to keep me in the light of God. Only by trusting God will I ever see their beautiful faces one day.
God was ENOUGH to carry me through the pain. Only through the incredible power of God am I able to look at the shattered heart I once had and rejoice that God was able to make fruit from my pain. It was not in vain.
I feel at peace knowing that this devastating situation helped me build character and prepared me for the gifts that God has blessed me with, ones that I may not have embraced in the same manner I currently do. It’s made me a bit more tenderhearted and more appreciative of what I have.
On January 19, 2012 I met an amazing man who I became best friends with, and this November we are getting married! My maid of honor shared with us how she has seen God work in my life – God gave me a blessing I didn’t expect. I can’t imagine a better partner to share my life with or being better prepared for the obstacles of married life because of what I’ve gone through to survive. He’s the love my heart has been in need of for quite some time. First I needed to acknowledge my faith and trust in God before I could love him with Christ-like love, and embrace the blessings of our relationship.
My weakness and fear are sometimes exposed when my daughter asks what will happen to her when I die (she’s 6). My heart aches, and I beg God for this not to be my destiny, but I accept that it’s not my decision to make. The only thing I have power over is leading my daughter to the life-giving water that will keep her soul alive despite the depth of whatever pain is in her destiny. I survived and so can she! My response to her is always the same. God has special plans for all of us when He calls us home. We may be sorrowful should He call any of us home before we wish, but thanks to Jesus we know the goodbye of death is truly a “see you later alligator” until we meet in heaven. Know that when you want to feel me in your heart, just go to God, and he will give your soul my butterfly kisses from heaven.
In reflecting I see that I lost my earthly source of love to find all that Christ can do in me; strength to carry on despite my pain. Many loved ones could not understand my “obsession,” devotion, to God as a way to heal my pain. Seeing how I’ve survived fills me with certainty that the path I followed was the correct one to follow.
Everything comes and goes in this life.
From dust, we were made, and to dust, we shall return.
Let’s keep our heart and soul anchored in God, and not be fragile in our faith.
The most beautiful thing in life is a love or faith whose truth has been tested.
Blessings to all on your journey!
What they trust in is fragile;
what they rely on is a spider’s web.
They lean on the web, but it gives way;
they cling to it, but it does not hold.
They are like a well-watered plant in the sunshine,
spreading its shoots over the garden;
it entwines its roots around a pile of rocks
and looks for a place among the stones.
But when it is torn from its spot,
that place disowns it and says, ‘I never saw you.’
Surely its life withers away,
and from the soil other plants grow.
“Surely God does not reject one who is blameless
or strengthen the hands of evildoers. Job 8:14-20
Yet you brought me out of the womb;
you made me trust in you, even at my mother’s breast.
10 From birth I was cast on you;
from my mother’s womb you have been my God.
11 Do not be far from me,
for trouble is near
and there is no one to help. Psalm 22:9-11
I will declare your name to my people;
in the assembly I will praise you.
23 You who fear the Lord, praise him!
All you descendants of Jacob, honor him!
Revere him, all you descendants of Israel!
24 For he has not despised or scorned
the suffering of the afflicted one;
he has not hidden his face from him
but has listened to his cry for help. Psalm 22:22-24