Enough!

Enough –

Today, with what I have,

Today, where I am at in life,

Today, with the people in my life,

Today, with my financial position,

Today, with the car I have,

Today, with the health I have,

Today, with the weight I have,

Today, with the clothes I have,

Today, with my ups & downs in parenting,

Today, with all my blessings,
I can be HAPPY!

It’s a constant game of – tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow!

The now, this moment, needs to be just right.

No looking back, no looking forward, just being present in the moment.

There are conditions to my happiness – financial freedom, being a certain weight, living in a certain house, traveling a number of times a year, accomplishing that my daughter does x on her own, having more relaxation time, and my conditions for happiness continue.

Yesterday I was slightly bothered by the traffic congestion. My plans had to be pushed back, as I tried to squeeze in all my to-dos in the evening; we have 50 days left for our big day (the wedding!) so time is of the essence!

Then I remembered there once was a time I drove over an hour across Miami to visit my grandmother when she was in the hospital. I wouldn’t get home until close to midnight. I would put alarm clocks at night, balancing sleep and laundry, so that I could be with my grandmother as much as I could every evening. I would sleep there on the weekend and would have to get things done early in the morning before visiting her. I managed – I survived – I showered in the hospital, I ate whatever was accessible regardless of where it stood on my preference list, and I dealt with the traffic because it meant my grandmother wouldn’t be alone – blast the music, listen to audible, pray; when there’s a will there’s a way my friends! It’s all about perception.

During those times, I needed what I have now to be fully happy. I swore I would do back flips and be the happiest woman on the planet.  Right now, my full blown happiness and feeling of celebration are contingent on what I expect my future to give me. According to my expectations what I have never seems to be just right. I’m setting myself up to continue wishing, hoping, and praying, yet never embracing!

I’m preparing to move soon, and I’m overwhelmed thinking about all the things I need to pack. Yet I go into the store and point out all the things I need because I don’t have it, but how about all that I have, which at one point I needed, and probably don’t use anymore?

How do I know with certainty that tomorrow will go according to my plan?

I don’t! It probably won’t even come close. Yet here I am gambling my happiness, waiting for a dream that may never be fulfilled. The world around us is changing, with each passing day we are more divided, there is more turmoil, and our safety is less guaranteed.

Today needs to be enough!

This afternoon, this evening, tomorrow morning, none of that is promised.

Today, now, each second, just as it is, with its beauty and specs of “ugliness,” regardless of the challenges, it needs to be enough!

The things you take for granted…

Someone else is praying for….

 

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