Agree to Disagree – Who Am I Kidding?

I’ve heard this and said this countless times, “let’s agree to disagree.” In all honesty, it’s easier said than done, especially when the stakes of the argument are high. What if the disagreement is regarding an injustice, agree to disagree – and pretend everything is ok? I don’t think so! Our approach to our differences says a lot about us.

These are typical argument responses that resolve NOTHING (I’m guilty as charged for some of these):

  • I’ll respect you when you respect me – it’s a 2 way street you know!
  • I’ll listen when you listen.
  • The conversation is over, end of story!
  • That point is stupid & invalid for X,Y,Z reasons.
  • Quite frankly, it’s my way or the highway. BTW- my way is better anyway.
  • It is what it is, I am who I am, and I don’t plan on changing at this point in my life.
  • Look, I’m sure you have good intentions, however being a SUCKER hasn’t paid off in life, so as much as I’d like to extend some compassion and be tenderhearted towards this topic, I refuse to be trusting and full of regret later.
  • Since this conversation contradicts EVERYTHING I am thinking, I’m choosing not to LISTEN and just walk away, see ya!
  • You’re stupid for disagreeing with me – anyone who thinks that is ignorant!
  • Interrupt the conversation every 5 seconds, “BUT,” “Correction:,” or “yea right!”
  • “This is a FACT!! The opposed responds, “no, you’re wrong, XYZ is the CORRECT FACT!”

The list goes on of the MANY ways we keep from reaching the middle ground of peace.

Will these positions resolve anything? NO! It’ll be a fight waiting to happen in the future. It becomes one of those topics everyone avoids like the plague and makes people gasp if an unknowing party brings the subject up, filling the air with tension. What’s the solution?

Respect, balance, give & take, and most importantly GOD!

God – yes, I always find a way to put God in the mix, because He’s the One that keeps my conscience leveled. What’s my life goal? Peace, love, and harmony. My ACTIONS & words need to reveal this, talk is cheap!

We don’t need to go far to see the world falling apart. Turn on the news and every few days our hearts break at the latest tragedy. It seems that if one does not agree with the majority then that person needs to be shunned, cast out from society, or hurt (assuming the minority perspective does not intend to harm others).If we don’t like something or we don’t agree with something, then we MUST FORCE a solution.There is ZERO tolerance for a difference of opinion.  There’s no waiting around to see where the pebbles might fall. Our society has an IN YOUR FACE, I’m going to bully you to seeing things my way, mentality. People are scared. People are yearning for peace. Then why are we FIGHTING our way to peace? What are we teaching our children? How are we approaching our differences at home?

We turn on the TV, we see the horrors, we grasp that people are capable of certain things, yet we yell obscenities in front of the very children who will influence the future of this world. We don’t show them respect, we show them that the only way to be heard or get what they want is through fighting and imposing. We support and respond to their tantrums, yet we question why these adolescent or adults are IMPOSING their views through violent ways. Not many enjoy losing, I surely didn’t, but it was part of life. I survived. It’s the whole “if I lose we ALL lose” and have to pay the price mentality that is going to be our downfall. We can’t all win, we need losers so that winning is worth the recognition. The sacrifices and efforts made to accomplish the win deserve recognition, it sets a bar for ambitious pursuits, but no – we as a society think EVERYONE should win, EVERYONE is entitled to be recognized even if the accomplishment is minor, that’s why the young adults of today have a sense of entitlement instead of gratitude. Why does disagreeing have to be so cutthroat? When did we stop having respect? What are we scared of when we listen to opposing views? Are we scared we can’t keep up, or that we aren’t prepared for the counter argument, or perhaps discovering that we were wrong all along?

We need to STOP & consider the following before we fall into the whole debate – who is right – trap!

  1. Is there a point?
    1. Are we actually trying to make a difference and resolve something, or are we having “casual” conversation that turned into a debate?
      1. I do not have to engage and defend my position every single time I hear a remark I don’t agree with! Not EVERY opportunity has to be this whole, prove why the other party is wrong kind of thing.
        1. This is will probably guarantee that people don’t talk to you about certain things or avoid conversations with you altogether.
    2. Is this affecting/influencing my personal life?
      1. Do I have to speak up because I am directly impacted by our differing positions? If not, can I let it go?
    3. Is it SUPER important that I fight to be right?
      • I shouldn’t hammer anyone over the head to make them see things my way; of course there are exceptions like things that are harmful and a threat to someone’s well being or making needed changes. However, we shouldn’t impose our view. We should try to be respectful of our differences (assuming no harm). Jesus respected our freedom of choice, He gave us the information we needed to make sound decisions, allowed us to choose what to do with the information. God willing our hearts choose to follow a righteous path.
      • I find it absolutely beautiful that Jesus “walked the walk.” He lived by example. Perhaps one of the best way we can prove a point is by ACTING in a noteworthy manner instead of just babbling away about how much “better” a certain way of life is. Talk is cheap.
    4. I have to do unto others as I want done unto me. I have to GIVE the respect I want to receive, even when undeserved.
      1. I don’t mean one has to be  BFFs with an enemy, or pretend things are OK when they aren’t, but we CAN be OPEN to opinions that don’t align with ours. Honestly, Jesus didn’t hangout with the “scholars” of his time, why am I limiting myself to only like minded people (as long as they don’t threaten my life or are negatively influencing me).
      2. We can learn from the differences.
      3. We can try to get a deeper understanding of why someone feels strongly about a subject matter. We can help clear up any misunderstandings. If there aren’t any WE can learn from the other’s perspective.This is probably the best way to help someone find the light should we think they are making choices that are negatively impacting their lives.
    5. Surrender for the sake of making peace.
      1. Sometimes we just have to take the highroad, respect our differences, and avoid those touchy subject.

Let’s show the world that we can live harmoniously.

Before discussing sensitive subject matters I like to pause and question my heart’s motive:

  • Is my heart in the right place?
  • Am I being loving and helpful or does my ego just desire to make my point be heart?

Proverbs 26 – I love meditating on this verse.. I wish I would’ve found Proverbs earlier in life, I probably would’ve avoided making a fool of myself when handling certain disagreements.

Enjoy! 🙂

Praise for a fool is out of place, like snow in summer or rain at harvest time.

Curses cannot hurt you unless you deserve them. They are like birds that fly by and never light.

You have to whip a horse, you have to bridle a donkey, and you have to beat a fool.

If you answer a silly question, you are just as silly as the person who asked it.

Give a silly answer to a silly question, and the one who asked it will realize that he’s not as smart as he thinks.

If you let a fool deliver a message, you might as well cut off your own feet; you are asking for trouble.

A fool can use a proverb about as well as crippled people can use their legs.

Praising someone who is stupid makes as much sense as tying a stone in a sling.

A fool quoting a wise saying reminds you of a drunk trying to pick a thorn out of his hand.

10 An employer who hires any fool that comes along is only hurting everybody concerned.[a]

11 A fool doing some stupid thing a second time is like a dog going back to its vomit.

12 The most stupid fool is better off than those who think they are wise when they are not.

13 Why don’t lazy people ever get out of the house? What are they afraid of Lions?

14 Lazy people turn over in bed. They get no farther than a door swinging on its hinges.

15 Some people are too lazy to put food in their own mouths.

16 A lazy person will think he is smarter than seven men who can give good reasons for their opinions.

17 Getting involved in an argument that is none of your business is like going down the street and grabbing a dog by the ears.

18-19 Someone who tricks someone else and then claims that he was only joking is like a crazy person playing with a deadly weapon.

20 Without wood, a fire goes out; without gossip, quarreling stops.

21 Charcoal keeps the embers glowing, wood keeps the fire burning, and troublemakers keep arguments alive.

22 Gossip is so tasty! How we love to swallow it!

23 Insincere[b] talk that hides what you are really thinking is like a fine glaze[c] on a cheap clay pot.

24 A hypocrite hides hate behind flattering words. 25 They may sound fine, but don’t believe him, because his heart is filled to the brim with hate. 26 He may disguise his hatred, but everyone will see the evil things he does.

27 People who set traps for others get caught themselves. People who start landslides get crushed.

28 You have to hate someone to want to hurt him with lies. Insincere talk brings nothing but ruin.

 

 
Disagree

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