Good-bye Treasured Friend – Jesus Calling December 8

She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.
 Proverbs 3:15

Dear Friend –

I love you.

We created beautiful memories that I will treasure forever.

You held my hand, wiped my tears, and lifted me up when I needed it most.

You never ceased to remind me that I am worthy of love.

I opened my heart and shared the innermost parts of my soul with you.

I was there to support you whenever I could, just as you were there for me.

For a moment in time, I believed in honest wholehearted friendships once more.

I believed girlfriends exist who will have your back through it all.

I learned the hard way that you are not a part that circle as I once thought you were.

As life will have it, the season for our friendship has come to an end.

As quickly as our friendship blossomed it disappeared without a trace.

No explanation or clarity as to why you just cut all ties and left without a goodbye.

What hurts the most is not that our friendship ended;

Sometimes it needs to end and that’s OK.

What disappoints me the most is that you knowingly hurt me.

I’m shocked that you didn’t consider the consequences of your actions.

You left without thinking about how your pending wedding items would be resolved.

Perhaps you didn’t care, but this idea is too hard to accept.

I’m hurt that I was wrong in believing I was treasured by you.

My vulnerabilities were an open book exposed to you.

My fears and doubts were always discussed with you.

You were my rock, my friend, my confidant.

In the blink of an eye, from one moment to the next, you no longer held my hand.

You let go of me the moment I finally had my ducks in a row.

I look towards heaven and I thank God above.

I thank God so much because He did not allow your departure to make me further undone.

Yes, I became a hot mess and frazzled before the wedding.

I thought about making rash decisions when what I needed was to pause, pray, and listen.

I forgot that someone greater than me is in control.

I forgot to surrender and turn things over to our Lord.

I forgot to pray and ask for His direction.

Thankfully God works in mysterious ways.

Before I could do something I would regret He sent an angel my way.

She came into the picture and showered me with love.

She gave me her all and left nothing undone.

She soothed me by whispering Our Lord’s words into my soul.

She reminded of why I willfully kneel before the cross.

He is a Father to the fatherless, a Friend to the friendless, and the answer to every prayer.

It’s funny how at times doors closing cause us to venture down greater paths.

When you shut me out  and left me stranded before the wedding I crawled my way back to God.

I bow my head in shame realizing I consulted you before God.

I turned to you for answers, directions, and explanations.

I put you before many, including the One who gave me my salvation.

In the process of elevating you, I neglected my greatest friend.

The one who always was, is, and will be until the very end.

The only One who is my rock.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. (Psalm 23)

It’s sad to believe that you were not my true friend after all.

Through the strength of my great Father and Friend, the mess you left me was resolved.

May God bless you and protect you always, I truly wish you no harm.

Perhaps one day we will clear up whatever misunderstanding caused this.

Until then – great lesson learned – one should always be cautious of who they let into their heart.

Sometimes a departure is actually a blessing in disguise.

Who knows, I’ll put my trust in God who knows it all.

Goodbye my friend.

 

In my Fleeting Friendships  , I discussed the difficulties I’ve faced in establishing strong friendships. I have great friends who I don’t see every day that I know are only a phone call away. However, I’ve had nothing but failed attempts when it comes to creating friendships where I open my home to them, invite them over for regular dates and dinner, when we talk to on a daily basis and basically make my soul sister. What is it about this closeness that makes it difficult for friendships to last? Does a filter need to exist for friendships work? The people that I know who have this bond with friends are with friends they’ve known since their childhood, not new adult friends.

I have the hardest time understanding how it’s possible for someone to express great love and in the blink of an eye just leave. It’s been my experience that when a relationship ends words are exchanged and someone has to officially end the relationship. Regardless of the truthfulness in the explanation given, when a discussion is had to terminate the relationship there’s a form of closure and understanding that it’s time to move on.

We don’t do that with friendships. At least, that hasn’t been my experience.You call someone and the calls go straight to voicemail. You text someone and they respond that they’re busy. My gut tells me that something is wrong, but when I ask they respond that nothing is wrong. You see them on social media having fun and obviously have free time. Then the message is undeniably clear, it’s not that time is a problem, the problem is time spent with you – they want none of it.

Are women harsher with each other than men are? When my husband has a tiff or falling out with a guy friend he’ll call them out on it, or vice versa, and they clear the air. Women are known for being chatterboxes and having a tendency to talk about their feelings, but when it comes to ending friendships we just cut it cold turkey. Is our unmasking and expressing ourselves openly the cause for the falling out? Perhaps this openness creates a level of disappointment – our friend sees that we aren’t as put together or are not as strong as they envisioned. I truly don’t know although I wish I did to understand how and why this happens. I had a similar issue with another friend 2 years ago – after 2 years she finally approached me, recognized her avoidance behavior, and she apologized for her lack of support.  I try to give the person the benefit of the doubt and believe that they don’t realize they’re hurting me or are changing our friendship dynamic.

Thankfully because of the wedding, honeymoon, moving in, birthday (yesterday), my daughter’s birthday (next week), Christmas, and New Years, I haven’t had time to process the end of this friendship until now. I’m writing about this situation because I tend to feel liberated after it’s posted when I blog. I process my thoughts when I write and the healing process follows. I want to do that with this friendship to officially let it go.

There’s no room in my heart to truly feel wounded by this.  Above all, I feel disappointed.

I let someone into my life who became a great friend. I elevated this person above all friendships. I gave their opinion more importance than anyone else’s. I became extremely codependent on this friendship because I believed it was my safe place. When we look at :

“You shall have no other gods before me. Exodus 20:3

We might quickly respond, “I would never have another god but you Lord,” just as I am tempted to respond. I respond this way because I associate God with the church, worship, praise, faith, obedience, and all these other things my mind associated with belonging only to Him.

If I stop to evaluate my priorities, the things I turn to for comfort or the things that give me a sense of identity then I can find these hidden gods.

If something becomes so great in my life that it takes my attention away from God and attempts to give me a sense of a wholeness that I can only find in Him, then I’ve made a god of out of something or someone.

That’s what I did with this friendship. I realized my codependency when my hand itched to reach for the phone and ask for her opinion before making a decision. I trusted her point of view so much that I I became comfortable and lazy. As a result, I stopped thinking on my own or consulting God.

Whenever I faced an issue I would pick up the phone to ask her for solutions, pouring out my thoughts before processing them, giving my friend the power to influence my perspective and decisions. I can’t event count how many times she steered me in the right direction. I’m eternally grateful for the many times she brought me back to life emotionally. However, the tighter I held on to my friend, the looser my grip was of God.  What I really needed was to take my heart and problems to God first. Maybe if I didn’t put the weight of my problems on her we could’ve enjoyed the friendship without the pressure of her trying to fix me and we would still be friends.

It says it clearly in the Jesus Calling reflection for today (see below). I longed for connection and clarity that I should have found in God. I wanted a quick fix, I wanted answers, I wanted my friend to fix my problems through her advice. I stopped asking God to fix it, I stopped asking God for guidance. This is my own fault.

I exposed my treasures (my family) without being cautious and considering if this person was, in fact, a friend or a foe. At times we are desperate for connections and  because of this we let our guard down allowing someone into the intimate parts of our life and relationships.

I started sensing the warning signs when my friend’s advice meant giving up on hope, but I cannot blame her for not believing because many times I didn’t either. Yes, the advice I received sounded good, but it went against my belief that through faith we can conquer it all.  Eventually, my eyes started to open.  I can only conclude that there was nothing left for us to give each other or that I was no longer worth the friendship, even if it meant abandoning me weeks before the wedding.

We strengthened each other so that we could survive when we needed it most, now it’s time to carry on without ill feelings for one another, looking back at the beautiful memories we created and forgiving any misunderstandings.
Yesterday I listened to a great podcast discussing a similar topic – click the link below if you’d like to listen to it.

I’d love to hear your friendship stories if you’d like to share 🙂

Desiring Authentic Sisterhood with Emma Fradd

Intimacy in Friendship with Elisa McGlaughlin

Jesus Calling Devotion For December 8:

Your needs and My riches are a perfect fit. I never meant for you to be self-sufficient. Instead, I designed you to need Me not only for daily bread but also for fulfillment of deep yearnings. I carefully crafted your longings and feelings of incompleteness, to point you to Me. Therefore, do not try to bury or deny these feelings. Beware also of trying to pacify these longings with lesser gods: people, possessions, power.

Come to Me in all your neediness, with defenses down and with desire to be blessed. As you spend time in My Presence, your deepest longings are fulfilled. Rejoice in your neediness, which enables you to find intimate completion in Me.

And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
—Philippians 4:19

My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.
—Colossians 2:2–3

via Daily Prompt: Treasure

9 thoughts on “Good-bye Treasured Friend – Jesus Calling December 8

  1. It’s actually quite sad to loose friends. It takes time and effort to build them and all of a sudden it ends just in a twinkle if an eye. Good friends are fortunes💕

    Liked by 1 person

  2. During my first wedding I had a HUGE falling out with my best friend since childhood. It was heartbreaking, the wedding was stressful, and my life seemed to be crumbling. That next September we randomly saw each other in a very crowded hallway (and know I am not a touchy feely person, ever) we both stopped our conversations and our path to run and embrace each other. Tears flowed, “I’m so sorry” I cried, and then she returned the sentiment. Tears streaming, a long embrace, everyone in the crowded place some strangers, some familiar faces watched in wonder of what that could have been all about.

    Ofcourse, I was in complete understanding of the fault that had caused a rip tide in our bond, and we both played fairly equal parts. We are still best friends today, even though so far way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing your story ! Hopefully one day I will understand what happened. I know we will cross paths one day, God willing we will have a reconciliation similar to the one you experienced with your friend. I wish she could’ve let me in and understand what hurt her so that I could clear the air or be there for her if thats what she needed. I will leave things in God’s hands, but I admit I am nervous about what will be said when we see each other. Only time will tell. Thanks for reading 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I just had a falling out with a friend a couple of months ago, and I know she feels like you do now, and it breaks my heart. I care about her, but because of some issues the trust is gone. It’s not so much I’m mad, or hate her, it’s more that I don’t really know how to be friends with her, or communicate that without totally breaking her heart more…silence probably wasn’t the best but I’m not great at these situations with anyone that’s not that friend I regained all those years ago.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. We do turn to friends because we see God in them. This is one of His gifts to us, though we must always walk with Him. I think a real friend will bring our focus back to God. I too would really enjoy a close friendship like that, I don’t have family. There are friends I can call but they are no longer local. Failed at finding this sort of friendship within church walls, despite being an active member. Divorcee does not sit well with many married women. I will continue to seek though, not giving up.

    Best wishes on your marriage! I am behind reading, early birth of grandson, etc. I will catch up.
    Blessings,
    Laurie

    Liked by 1 person

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